Christmas never really did much for me. Maybe when I was a kid, sure, but over the years, I usually just offered to work so someone else could have the day off. But other people like Christmas, so I try to not say anything negative about our holiest most consumer-driven holiday.

This year, though, I thought I’d try something different. I love novelty.

Adrienne is a person who enjoys Christmas and has what many people call “holiday spirit.” While she was away on one of her L.A. trips, I got a tree and some lights and stockings for our small apartment. Thoughtful? Hell yes.

Anyway, I’ve never bought a real tree before, and I learned a few things: They are ridiculously expensive. They are also sticky. By the time I got home with this thing, I was coated in sap, and that sap doesn’t come off with just soap. You need to use a cheese grater to get that gunk off. You will also need a tree stand. Apparently, just leaning it against the wall is a recipe for trouble. Who knew?

I also built a lighted star thing made out of yardsticks that Adrienne found on the Internet. Joy!