As it turns out, crocheting is really hard. I said to myself: Hey, boss, let’s make a blanket. So I got myself some yarn and a couple of crochet hooks, and went to work. Crochet is just a series of knots, right? How hard can it be?

Well, I’ve learned a little something about the craft world today: Crafts, yarn in particular, are a bitch.

But I’m not going to let a pile of dumb yarn bully me. I’m going to figure this shit out and make a blanket. It’s going to happen, people. There will be a yarn blanket, and it will be glorious and warm. Somehow.

Because I’m a fighter. I will not be conquered by yarn.

This is what my blanket looks like now: Just a pile of tangled yarn.

This is what's going to happen. That's right. This tangled-up pile of yarn will become a beautiful afghan.

I am a rhino, charging into battle against insurgent yarn. Of course rhinos don't need blankets, but you get the point.