How’s that crochet coming along?

A lot of you are probably wondering how my crocheting is going. You’ve thought to yourself, probably over coffee in the morning: I bet he’s given up.

Crochet is hard, no doubt. And so far, my skill level has flatlined at blanket level.

But it does relieve stress. And it would be a great hobby for someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder. My main trouble with crochet seems to be getting all the knots straight. And the yarn is sometimes stringy. Whatever. I just push the needle through and carry on.

Here. Check out my work so far.

Making a blanket is great stress relief

Making a blanket is great stress relief.

My orange and yellow blanket so far.

Though my stitching looks like it was crocheted by someone having a seizure, I am actually in pretty decent health.

You can apparently buy yarn in one-pound bundles.

You can apparently buy yarn in one-pound bundles. After this bundle's over, I'll do another color.

Come on, it's a decent-enough first effort. Cut me some slack here, people.

Come on, it's a decent-enough first effort. Cut me some slack here, people.

I'm making a wool blanket, too.

Things were going so well with the other blanket, I figure I'd start another blanket. This time, though, I'm using wool. Scratchy, coarse wool. Like an old Army blanket made by someone's grandmother. Also, yarn is expensive. Who knew.

The wool blanket is kinky and curly, though. Not sure why. Will it ever straighten out, or am I doing something wrong?

The wool blanket is kinky and curly, though. Not sure why. Will it ever straighten out, or am I doing something wrong?

Human sweater.

I couldn't make this ugly sweater even if I wanted to.

Crocheted cat sweater.

Someday, though, I will make an awesome sweater for a cat.

Mike vs. yarn: The war has begun

As it turns out, crocheting is really hard. I said to myself: Hey, boss, let’s make a blanket. So I got myself some yarn and a couple of crochet hooks, and went to work. Crochet is just a series of knots, right? How hard can it be?

Well, I’ve learned a little something about the craft world today: Crafts, yarn in particular, are a bitch.

But I’m not going to let a pile of dumb yarn bully me. I’m going to figure this shit out and make a blanket. It’s going to happen, people. There will be a yarn blanket, and it will be glorious and warm. Somehow.

Because I’m a fighter. I will not be conquered by yarn.

I'm making a blanket

This is what my blanket looks like now: Just a pile of tangled yarn.

My afghan when I'm finished

This is what's going to happen. That's right. This tangled-up pile of yarn will become a beautiful afghan.

I am ready for battle.

I am a rhino, charging into battle against insurgent yarn. Of course rhinos don't need blankets, but you get the point.